Let me guess. You feed your baby to sleep, pop them down, and 45 minutes later they're awake again. Every. Single. Time. I've been there, and let me tell you, it's bloody exhausting!
The bit nobody says out loud
The tiredness isn't just physical. I was forgetful and stuttering over my words. On top of that, I couldn't help thinking I was being too 'soft', or that I was turning my little one into a mummy's boy by going to him every time.
With my own son, we hired a sleep trainer. We had to leave him for five minutes, then pop our heads in, say goodnight and close the door again. If he paused his crying, we'd start the five minutes all over again. And it worked. But I felt incredibly guilty, and heartbroken hearing him cry on his own. It also ended our breastfeeding journey.
That's exactly why I work the way I do now. I know what that route costs, and I never want a family to pay that price when there's another way. And there almost always is.
Feeding to sleep was never the mistake
Feeding your baby to sleep is not a mistake. It's biologically normal. Everything about it is designed to help settle your baby. It's literally a sleep potion! You were built for this.
So why 45 minutes? Well, a sleep cycle is roughly 45 minutes long. At the end of each one, your baby briefly surfaces. If anything has changed, or they fell asleep with something they no longer have, they may signal for you to put it back.
This isn't manipulation at all. It's just what babies do!
Why everything you've tried hasn't worked
Be honest, how many times have you googled "why won't my baby sleep without me" at 2am, phone brightness right down, your little one attached to the boob like a little leech? And what came back? Either "let them cry" or "it's just a phase, enjoy the snuggles". Neither helps.
The problem is that most baby sleep advice assumes you've already stopped breastfeeding, or that your life can fit around a strict schedule. It doesn't account for you. The mum who loves breastfeeding but needs a little help. Or who just wants a date night without worrying whether baby will go to sleep without you and the booby bar!
What I ask before any plan
Before we talk about methods, I always ask one question: why do you want things to change right now? Maybe you're going back to work. Maybe you're touched out and want your partner to be able to settle the baby too. Or maybe you just want to go from waking every hour to once or twice a night, and keep the feeds you love. That's completely okay. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Your baby's age matters too. From around six months, we can gently start putting boundaries around night feeds. If you want to drop some night breastfeeds before twelve months, you may need to swap a few for a bottle of expressed milk or formula, because your baby may still need those calories. I wouldn't remove night feeds completely before twelve months.
Honestly? If a plan doesn't start with you and your baby, it's not a plan. It's just someone else's routine with your name stuck on it!
Imagine this
Sitting down at 9pm with a cuppa that actually stays hot. A proper conversation with your partner that isn't about who did the last wake. Maybe even that date night! It's not just about your baby sleeping. It's about getting a bit of you back.
So if you're reading this at 2am with a little leech on the boob, hear this: you haven't failed. You've done the best you could with what you knew. You just need the right support.
Whenever you're ready, I'm here.
Book your free discovery call and let's talk about what's going on with your little one's sleep.
