Before having children, I was working a 9 to 5, going to the gym, and had so much energy. When my youngest finally started sleeping, I thought I'd be able to do all of that again. Maybe even get out of the same leggings I'd worn for five days straight, so I didn't have to do ANOTHER load of washing. Get back to working full time, and make healthy homemade meals on top of everything else.
It didn't work like that. Not straight away, anyway.
And honestly, that's one of the most important things I can tell you, because nobody told me.
The first thing that changed
First, I got my bed back. We'd been co-sleeping, so I was in my own bed, but cramped, kicked and used as a human dummy all night. Being able to stretch out and sleep without a little one attached felt like pure luxury. If you know, you know!
Then I noticed I was feeling more relaxed. My stress slowly disappeared with each night that bedtime went well. I started waking less too, although for a while I'd still wake up expecting a wake that never happened. And if he did wake, he was so much easier to settle.
Slowly, my brain came back. I could think in full sentences, actually be in a conversation, and finish a job without losing my train of thought halfway through. And I stopped putting my phone in the fridge. I wish I was joking! I'd also find bags of pasta next to the butter with no idea how they got there. I wasn't coping as well as I thought I was. None of us are when we're in it. We just get really good at pretending.
The gym
The gym came later. And let me be clear, it wasn't about looking a certain way. I needed somewhere that was completely mine. An hour where nobody needed anything from me. Where I wasn't a mum or a partner, just me, doing something hard, for myself.
The first few times, I nearly talked myself out of going. I was still tired, and it felt selfish. But I kept going. And somewhere in those first few weeks, something shifted. Not in my body, in my head. I was making a choice that had nothing to do with my children. I was choosing me. And choosing me, again and again, started to feel like the start of something I hadn't felt in a really long time.
My husband and I found each other again
This one took the longest, and it's the one that surprises people most.
We'd been in survival mode for so long that we'd completely lost each other. Every conversation was about who's doing the next feed, what's for tea and whose turn it is to do bath time. We weren't unkind to each other. We just weren't really there for each other. And with a baby in the middle of the bed, we barely even had a cuddle!
Getting back to us didn't happen overnight. It happened slowly, as our evenings opened back up and we remembered we actually liked each other. A meal that didn't get interrupted. A chat that wasn't about the kids. Going to bed at the same time. Small things, but they were the things we'd missed the most.
What I didn't expect
Here's the bit I don't think anyone expects.
Once I had sleep, the gym and my husband back, I started to want more. Not in a greedy way. More in a "this is my life and I want to actually live it" way.
And then we got Rosie.
Our rescue beagle came to us nervous, poorly and not quite herself. She's spent the last year coming back to life in a house that finally had the space, energy and lightness to welcome her. She's chaos and joy, and she's ours. And she wouldn't be here if I hadn't got myself back first.
Not long after, I went back to work. This time I wasn't just holding it together and white-knuckling through the days. I was building something. I trained. I qualified. I started Little Willow.
I'm not telling you all this because your story will look exactly like mine. It won't. Your version of getting yourself back will be all your own. But I want you to know what's possible on the other side. Not just a baby who sleeps. Not just a full night. A life that feels like yours again.
What I know for sure
Getting yourself back isn't one big moment. It's slow, and it's messy. Some of it comes back quickly. Some of it takes longer than you'd expect. Some days you'll feel like yourself, and some days you won't, even when the sleep is better. That's normal. That's recovery, and it takes longer than anyone tells you.
But it starts with sleep. The energy, the clear head, finding each other again, feeling like you again, the gym, the business, the dog, the clean leggings. It all starts with sleep.
You can't build any of it on broken nights. Sleep isn't the whole answer, but it's the door.
And I'd really love to help you open it.
Book your free discovery call and let's talk about what's going on with your little one's sleep.
